Violence of Focus = Pain of Purpose = Life = Apex Predator

 

The universe is the chemistry of equilibrium. It requires energy, the same energy that gets transformed into matter and back endlessly. The violence is eternal, and so is the resistance against it through purpose. 

For us time is linear so death is inevitable. The fear of the end gives rise to survival instinct, the seed of life. That instinct gets morphed into purpose that creates and moulds matter / nature itself and through this act of violence we fight death. But the fear does not go away, sometimes it creates more violence as its justification to survive and grow. Some other times, we accept the inevitable and become fearless, fearless to choose in that moment.

And sometimes the fear creates the joy of nothingness. It gives peace in that moment. That is suddenly the complete lack of energy. That last for that very moment that is perhaps immortal, but it is not the time we know. That realization makes a man fearless. The joy gives clarity of thought that the violence / the focus / the pain / the purpose of life is greater than the energy that created fear itself.

We have called ourselves the hunter-warriors. We are in fact the apex predator. For 10,000 and more years all races of humans have defeated all prey. Now we are bored, we are waiting, perhaps for the next predator from space. Perhaps we are looking for the predator can eat us. We have to die one day, and we want to rage against the dying of our light.

Not yet, Now

Why

An infant’s life is filled with love, joy and intimacy. An adult’s life is filled with everything else. Relationships need work, work needs commitment, commitment needs vision and we are shortsighted needing glasses. The pursuit of an ideal is not the purpose; the purpose is to spend life and hand over the mess to our kids. If the child got a 4×4 vehicle to complete his/her journey of life, we through our inertia have placed it right in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a pond of mud. A great start is on its way a lousy story of increasing loneliness and despair.

I grew up to take responsibility, as those were the stories I heard. Nevertheless, the mess was so bad; I continued to stick to stories on newer devices and newer formats. I learnt ignorance and lazy inaction is bliss from my idol, father/mother. They are my God.

I have to take one of two paths, each equally honorable and worthy. One is living life as it is, nothing more nothing less – it is the divine bliss of nothingness. The other is changing it alone – it is the human condition exploring perfection. Majority make living a social exercise killing the spontaneity of life itself. They mixed both paths and compromised thought & action. Instead they should have chosen one path with thought and acted with conviction. Read on if you feel you are the 1% on the other path – the one exploring perfection.

Not yet

Being worthy of worship and still I feel desperate and lost. My natural instinct tells me to erase all, destroy everything and everyone, cause anarchy and create a clean slate. How naïve.

I contrast this feeling as remember the name of Okhil Chandra Sen. A man from Kolkata, who got so pissed at train coaches with no toilets (in 1909) in Indian trains that he acted productively on it. You are equally pissed off, but unlike him, your name is not worth remembering because you have no clue how to be productive about your anger. You seek to complain and destroy. Good luck with the mess you are creating for your next generation.

I do not advocate being practical. ‘Practical’ is the biggest load of shit indoctrinated by each institution we have encountered growing up. It wastes time, the only resource that is in limited supply. You may argue ethics here, and I would leave the discussion, as my time is more valuable than your ethics. You need a vision but you pretend; pretend to be busy doing things wasteful way.

An ideal humanity is not the vision nor an ideal environment on earth. The vision is of an ideal human, from whose mistakes the child learns. Your first choice as a human is to create your vision of an ideal human. That ideal human may be a hacker running a government single-handedly or a tourist just there to explore the planet. Having the picture of your vision in your mind is more important than what picture.

This picture would take multiple lifetimes and multiple you to achieve it. This is a sign that the vision is grand. There are no limits to this grand vision. Paint your picture or create your movie as grand as you can imagine. This is the dream that plays in the background of your mind each moment of your breathing life. You are getting the thought half right.

Now

I believe the ideal human loves his/her self, chooses his intimacy with people and goals, enjoys the bittersweet fruits of his decisions and actions. (S)He is pissed that the previous generations wasted time and did not work on a vision worthy of intelligence. He doesn’t worry how vision for humankind will shape as a sum of all such actions, he is calm with rage to fulfil his own purpose – the purpose (s)he chose.

The vision picture does not exist in the real world today. Few years’ later parts of it will be, and much of it may be real until your life ends. It all depends on the purpose you choose to put your will to. Break down this vision into projects that you can do alone. These projects are parts of the jigsaw puzzle you are solving. The projects would not be practical, nor ethical but necessary. Work on the “masterplan” to get each project done. Meanwhile life is dangerous so enjoy smallest things in the moment you are living.

For each masterplan that fails, believe that you would have a better masterplan to achieve your picture. The mess around pains you, and in your picture you either love your makers more or destroy them. At the very least, a human is deciding what happens his/her species. Whatever you decide, act on your projects now. There are infinite joys and abundance in your world. Be thankful you have limited time and grateful that you alone are responsible. Pursuing my vision each moment is the perfection I seek in my life. And I hope my child would show me how I could have done it better. This way you are getting the action half right.

Where

A foetus is an unborn infant. It is the possibility of life and yet we have not granted a pronoun like she / he to talk about them. Respect is the only additional layer of social interaction an intelligent being can bring, and we are yet to do it through our language. This disrespect continues by us imposing our views on our kids calling it love. We do not need more unconditional love. Respect your children’s wish to re-write your vision into a better one through their eyes. Respect the other individual’s will to destroy your world and fight him/her worthy of a legend. Give respect so maybe long after you go, your name would receive the respect you gave. Else, you are the animal our species still trying to evolve from. It all comes from the language of your dreams. Let your respect show as you merge not yet (thought) and now (action) into your masterpiece.

Everything between concept to purpose to method

Is there any one who loves a guy asking questions? too many questions? Am I asking too many questions already? No worries, I'll just get down to the two question that are asked most often, but never heard explicitly. 

The two basic questions that the top level that underpins all knowledge are: (1) How did universe come from nothingness and (2) How did life come from non-life? We are yet to find the answers and progress to reach those answers needs to be underway. For now we have to live with an answer that forms the premise of life and belief in world's oldest civilization. The answer is that the cause of both is possibly same, and for lack of a better word, we name the cause/source/power as "God". By causing these, (s)he implicitly controls linear time as we understand it through law of causality/Karma. 

Look at what we have done in the process of exploring answers to our questions. We created the written language (including maths and music and all) without which we are not fundamentally different from a wild monkey (other than the tail for sure!). With it we have cured the incurable, we have seen the invisible, we can hear beyond our ears, we can talk across millions of kilometers and what the heck, we have even come to know how to slow the passage of time! 

It is in the process of further answering these two questions, that we came to know laws of nature and mathematics and are still exploring. Laws of physics and evolution are milestones in our understand of that concept/premise of "God". We experiment and we medidate for these answers and wish we could talk to this omnipotent/omnipresent/omniscient concept. This concept has to knowledgeable and authoritatively talk to the male and female in us. (S)He needs to do what both genders can do. Hence if we try to put a human form to this concept, it will be a being that is half male and half female. Hindus call this imaginary form - "Ardhnaareshwar" (Half man Half woman God) in Sanskrit.

This is where my talk seems to take on the cloak of a bias. Let's perhaps put this aside for a moment and think. What we needed from "God" is a really good conversation. What we got were respected Prophets, Saints, Sadhus, incarnations and more. What we got was more fundamental, we got belief. Belief through very useful stories told to us in order to lead a fulfilling life. We want to continue this conversation further, maybe over dinner close to a fire. 

The basic answer that we are looking for is why were we created as beings with imagination. What is the purpose do we serve? Left to nature we would end up evolving, albeit very slowly. As a group of intelligent minds, we choose to evolve faster than nature. The rapid growth of science, technology and arts is proof of that. Our purpose then ends up being evolving individually to a higher plane of existence.

This is much easier said than done. The process of survival has become intricately complex since we as a species chose to violate the law of the jungle and allowed the weakest to survive and thrive. It is an unending cycle of manifestation of creativity to make things, then make rules, explore more and then destroy what was created to create again. Our curiosity has led to the improvement of not only standard of life, it has also brought us to the threshold of being able to create artificial life and intelligence. What will this uninterrupted increase in standard of life through discoveries and inventions lead to? Very simply, it is again to expedite our evolution compared to nature. 

We have invented machines that are controlled through our mind. Technology to operate appliances in your house with your mind are already available. Let alone anti-aging, by breaking into parts, we have "almost" recreated the most complex machine ever created, the human being. 

So what does this mean for us, you and me? That's difficult to put into words in any language. The world was perfect before humans inherited the planet. Are we simply here to create a "more perfect" world than we inherited? These would be reasons that exist only because we are a being that can think and imagine. We seek meaning when the world was already perfect without it. Perhaps its about meaninglessness of our lives that subconsciously pains us. Is there any bullet that is going to kill me or am I going to live in irrational fear of the inevitable certain death? So again, what do we, you and I choose to do?

You really care a damn about I choose to do, as long as you are able to choose to do what you want. That mutual respect here that already exists between me and you and it will help if we are able to add compassion for each other. Because our questions still remain the same in our minds. 

Why am I here now? What should I do? How do I know what is good/right/best/appropriate? Perhaps there is someone, "Ardhnaareshwar/God" watching us to judge us and our actions. Perhaps its our imagination to search for meaning in our lives. In either case, we can live a worthwhile life by being worthy, by a standard you, I and we choose. As a species with the ability, we will evolve by our will that is given to us by the concept/premise of "God". We always had this same purpose, and you and I can respectfully choose to follow our respective method we deem fit. 

Phew, lots of questions in what I said. I hope perhaps I am leaving you with more answers than questions. 

Who will you be?

An objectionable situation: Assume that by a freak accident that you and your first cousin sister are the only ones left on our planet earth. All the technology and knowledge remains, just the humans perish.
The question: what next will you do?
Let me dampen your “excitement” a bit. The choice has been taken that the human species must live so procreation will happen. Now what next will you create?
I will tell you what I think:
  1. Am I happy that I got to create the world as I want or that I am pissed that I no longer have anything to complain about?
  2. Do I care about what I leave behind, because I am going to be dead even when I own the whole wide world?
  3. Now that I have no options for females, what else must I do so that I still LIVE my life?
  4. Do I really need to introduce the concept of money and property?
  5. Is there a need for me to give names to relationships or see what makes them worth making?
  6. Do I need to create the idea of boundaries and differences, physical or mental?
  7. Is the most important thing to teach my children LOVE OR RESPECT for the others?
  8. Is there any more need for God, for the only species that believes in him/her will go extinct if it believed in his/her “ethics / commandments”?
  9. Do I define my own standards of morality for the world, or do I let the only true freedom, which is the FREEDOM TO REBEL, be the foundation stone of the new society?
  10. Will I now take a stand that I will take a back seat and let my woman shape the society she wanted to build?
  11. Will I leave behind a society that feels what you are deep inside is what matters or will I be an example that it is what I did that mattered, not what I felt or thought? I mean am I going to let revenge and punishment be the pillars of fairness or fiercely push a sense of compassion and responsibility?
This is not the complete list, maybe less that a percent. You will die and so will I, and maybe the entire human species will die. But that is where life opens up. Have we not been sitting waiting for life to happen when it’s all happening right there and now?
Just look at what limitless possibilities you have at hand. Or did you just look at the problems of each? Perhaps you did end up judging me without knowing me. So are you a part of the problem of humankind or the one that is ever evolving into something more and new?
I do not need love or admiration from you for I have received it from my parents who gave it to me, and countless many, even though that will pass. What I demand is only your freedom to rebel, and even if that may be against me, I assure you that you will get the respect you deserve.

‘OM’

Hope of meritocracy returning to India

When a child is born, with him is born infinite possibilities, right from being a fighter pilot to a superstar. The aspirations of the parents and family give it a direction of "go ahead child" or make the child choose among different directions of "my way or the highway". The traditions and norms ask the child to conform to perceptions of "look at her and learn" and his desires ask him to break the norm and do "what feels right". A child outgrows his adolescence and lives like a responsible adult in a nation that allows him to live his path. In his struggles the child achieves his dreams through a route filled with failures. Hopefully he dies content.

Even before I was moving from the adolescent phase, I was coming to know that in our nation birth mattered more than deeds. That was different from what I learnt from my childhood stories of the Upanishads, Ramayana and Mahabharata. The story of Raja Bharat of our land Aaryavrat adopting a son to be the next king because he found none of his nine sons capable of being a ruler, was scrupulously hidden. What was repeatedly told to me was that Yudhisthira was the rightful heir to the throne being the eldest because his father was the rightful king. I was starting to feel comfortable with nepotism and deeply uncomfortable with lack of meritocracy. Our family was becoming smaller and smaller still was I expected to dream. In me somewhere hope was dimming like the profits of a yesteryear corporate.

Today, when we got the election results in four states were declared, I felt alive with hope. Two trends are becoming clear:

1. The right to the throne (if there is anything like that) does not belong to the bachcha of the raja or the family cooks and drivers
2. The regional and multiple "shadow-lines" based groupism disappearing to give way to growth

I am not a man of politics but a man who thinks and believes. I believe that the good part is that unlike what I grew up observing, the future is uncertain. We seem to have found some happiness back as the flame of hope is becoming stronger in the winds of change. I feel our children can live their dreams and I think we too have the chance of dying content, maybe attain nirvana. That humming sound you faintly feel in your head is the Aarambh of Indian awakening. 

Mutual respect is the key to our evolution, not love

I have often wondered about the all healing feeling / emotion of love. It gives me pain, yet makes me feel complete. Love the earth, love your family, love what you have and love yourself. When you give love, you get love back in return and we spread our happiness to the world. Love is what makes life worth living.

I have still not covered love in entirety but three sentences makes me think - Wait! Love is what makes animals better than plants, it gives them the capacity to care even when they have to kill and fight with their own for their daily survival. I watched on Discovery Channel in awe when a even a mother lioness kills a pregnant monkey to feed her children, but adopts the monkey infant delivered right then as her own cub. That made me of what we civilized humans are trying to do even today and still not succeeding as well as the animals. Reminds me of the lyrics of Michael Jackson's song, "There are people dying, if you care enough for the living, make it a better place for you and for me and for the entire human race..."

However, even when we do reach the emotional maturity of the animals, like the lioness, we are yet to do something "human". I mean love is what makes life worth living, but that's setting the level of humanity a little low. It feels as if I am being told, "You are born with intelligence. But keep it aside along with your base instincts. Do what animals do best. Love! Don't think and decide. Just feel the love"

Give me a break! If am worthy of a thinking brain, I would rather not put it aside for love. I would take the first step of compassion for all humans, animals and plants alike. Then for humans, I would develop something called respect. That is the only way I would keep learning from each one and keep growing, as an individual and as a human being. In fact, more than unconditional love, I would promote conscious respect for each of us. If I am able to do that, I would have made life my teacher. And some day, my teacher would have made me someone from whom others can learn. That day respect would reach me and I will know that my life has been worth me. The mutual respect will make us growth continuously, out of our boundaries and fears and beyond technology and anything, even artificial life that we would discover and create. This mutual respect is the key to our evolution. 

Bohemia's legacy and my fallacy: Litost

A couple of years back I remember reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera. It was recommended by one of my closest friends, and it easily ranks as the best book I have read. Since then I have developed a deep sense of respect for the author who seems have more insights into the psyche of human beings than the best psychologists. 

I was just going through one of his set of articles in "The Book of Laughter and Forgetting" about a feeling called "Litost". It is a Bohemian word, an explains the genius of a feeling that has no parallel word in any other language. Milan Kundera defines litost as a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one's own misery. How true!

Hasn't it happened that we have come across situations that we were within arms reach of something we greatly desired, and then suddenly, it disappeared completely from our sight? And for that we end up blaming ourselves and our bad luck for it? It is the same feeling I am trying to explain by the term "litost". 

It has also happened quite a few times when we try to show possessiveness and care for the other person, even end up shouting at and hitting the person we love, just because they did something we could not do. We try to tell them its our overwhelming sense of care and affection, but all the while we are trying to shut ourselves from admitting that we would have been pathetic in the same situation. To make our point we go to the point of staying hungry and even hurting ourselves, just to make a point. A point that was never so important or critical in any sense. We did all that just to bring back a feeling of equality in our hearts, rather restore the balance in favour of our superiority. 

I have faced the same feeling when I tried to go out of the way and create my own venture. I felt unsure of myself and lacked confidence in my abilities when I was graduating from IIM Ahmedabad, so much that it clouded my mind for over three and half years. This feeling started sprouting in me since my near fatal accident during engineering two years before I got admission into the institute. My will power to live created a medical miracle. But it left my mind far more wounded than my bruised and battered body. I was close to getting married to the girl of my life, and I did not get an ounce of feeling that I WILL be able to care of her, whatever life may offer. Without proof to the contrary, I was not sure if I could be a good son to my parents, a good brother and an admired family member. Time came closer, and at the last minute, I left my well-settled job for a venture that was probably ill suited to my characteristics. What in fact I had really lost, was 15 points in IQ, although even after that my IQ was tested to be higher than that of the CAT topper in the entire country. 

At that time, my thought was noble, and the intention was indeed noble. I have tried explaining to myself that the idea was driven by my need to feel connected to my Indian roots that are long lost in the partition days in Bangladesh. I wanted to do something for my nation and my people, burn hard earned money and put at stake all my relationships and ideals and go full steam to educate the rural youth. I did lose more than I could ever imagine. It was loss of a life. 

As I am writing after long under this pen-name that I so ardently love, I realise that it was my litost that was my biggest motivator. Today I am back on my path to recovery and I am certain that I will be able to make good of the lost time, relationships and money. But I am still aware that my litost is a companion who is unwilling to leave me like my shadow. I am reminded of the poems of Defeat (by Khalil Gibran), If (by Rudyard Kipling) and The Road Not Taken (by Robert Frost) that ignited and stirred in me a sense of passion for something I never understood. Today I found a word for that instinct. For once, a man who has dreamed of modifying language to fit the thought patterns of the human brain, is overcome by the effect of a singular word that changed a paradigm of his understanding of something equally complex yet simple and beautiful - life, my life.