The middle path

statis is what my life is now

its a state of lull

so many events happen

in each of them i decide 

to do something that 

will break me from inside

i become harder on the outside

i sense a lack of passion in me

and then a sudden surge

of immense passion

telling me to break down

or break out of the crowd

and suddenly the lull comes 

back again to bring me

to peace

emotionless is what i become

in other's eyes

logic being the culprit

as ever

who would believe

that its always been my logic

that preserved purity

of emotions in me

i am scared of you that

you'll hurt them if i show

them to you

and so i scare the wits out 

of you

in self defence

i wonder why you fail to

realise

that sometimes it takes an 

animal with teeth of logic

in me to save the man

of true emotions inside

(23rd Oct 2008)

God said...

I was sitting today (8th June 2008) after more than three weeks of continuous work... I just wondered, is whatever bad that happens to me the work of "God" (i.e. the ubiquituous "sense" prevailing in matter+energy) or of man... But man is the only animal that has sense, logic, reason... We are god in some way... I had heard there is god in every man and animal and lifeless thing... I had also heard that god is in more things that we can see or feel... And i had this very obvious thought after so long... God is the sum of all sense/lack of it, the sum of parts... the problem we have is that the number of parameters we have to integrate it over is unclear... We are sense/God manifesting itself...

The first question that came to my mind is, what is the purpose of god manifesting his evil through man and then getting rid of it through good in another man? Secondly, is there any need of purpose? Can't all this be natural? Our trouble is that we want to find sense in everything... But aren't we sense ourselves?

Let me come to the point now... Maybe due to some cosmic disturbance, i was unable to have any favourite colour till class 4, unless a friend's question forced me... It was the same disturbance that made me not find the distinction between god and nature... I am not getting confused between ends & means (good over evil & forces of nature) and actor & victim (God & man)... Let's proceed.

Theorem 1. Understanding the means of an actor in a particular scenario may be cautiously applied to the means of the actor in another scenario...
Theorem 2. Understanding of the means of an actor in a particular scenario can be cautiously generalised to the means of the actor in all scenarios...
Premise : Nature = Subset (God)
Hypothesis: Law of nature on earth holds true for events occuring even outside earth. In simple words, the fittest animal/sense... The fittest animal now rules the earth... the fittest "man" of the universe will rule the universe...
Precaution: The law of averages is at work here... The fittest man does not rule his area... So Society = Subset (Nature) & Man = Subset (Society)... but the law of nature does not hold here... Note that man decided to violate this rule when he created a culture that tries to save even the most unfit human...

I will not try to prove my hypothesis here because there is something more important i want to talk about... It is the point about consequence... What will happen/What will we do if we are not the fittest "man" animal specie in the universe???

The second point is about the process of reaching the end consequence... There are two perspectives to this:
1. The progressive concept: The software cycle demonstrates the concept upto a point... It starts with releasing the alpha version of the software which demonstrates the basic idea... Then the beta version is released where the intended functionality is demonstrated, but it is not complete... The final product is free of bugs/errors and has the functionality required... The manifestation of sense is the final purpose of life, the purpose of god... Sense brings with it the ability to make decisions based on the inputs and relevant context... The first manifestation started with the emergence of instincts (alpha version)... Then emerged base emotions and associated inference mechanism of secondary emotions (beta version)... Finally man had logic and reasoning (final product)... Thats about it...
2. The shifting equilibrium concept: While the sense is manifesting itself, there is a sequence of contexts followed by decisions which develop into further contexts and again decisions... As a better sense manifests itself, the lesser sense must give way... but this happens over a period of time... there are times when lesser sense has its way... look at society and man... this is what is giving way to the law of averages...

Now i come to the third point of where do we stand in the process of reaching the end consequence... the progressive concept is working within us to make decisions based on instinct/emotion/logic in the shifting equilibrium concept... cumulatively all of us men work against all other species to follow the law of nature... individually one member of the species is usually trivial and neglible in the bigger scheme of things... similarly, as the "man" specie from earth, there is a great chance that we might be trivial in the bigger things of the universe, let alone being the fittest in the universe... so arent our efforts futile?

The concept of futility is the easiest to resort to and is the most obvious "logical" explanation... But there is more to it... you are a part of the sum of sense... there is a part of god each being right? there is no one sitting and passing a judgement on any of us... there is nothing that says a man who follows emotion is higher or lower than the man who follows his logic or instincts... you are free to choose... but with freedom comes responsibility... problem is no one knows the freedom and hence cannot guide about the responsibility that needs to be exercised... you have people around you and people who care... you may or may not decide for more than yourself...

Rationality or Tradition?

Rationality or Tradition?

I was a good boy till the age of 8, when my nanaji laid the seeds of "rebellion" in my mind. He told me, "Appu, you are intelligent. So never do things till you understand the reason of doing it". I thought what he was saying was right and accepted it without question.

But since that day, that thought persisted in my mind. I never did a thing till my parents were able to convince me by reason or threat that i should. I didnt cry till i understood why i was going to cry and how it will help solve the problem at hand. I was in class 5 and i refused to accept the story that children are brought home by the storks. It did not fit my logic senses. Yes, my grandfather had laid in me the seed of Indian culture, the culture of questioning and arguing. I tried criticizing the Indian culture and tradition as much as I could, but he didnt budge from his stand that the Indian culture is the best possible. I was sort of confused. The man who modified his own marriage ritual to remove rites of child marriage was saying that the same culture was the best possible. And he was always calm, never raising his voice or eyebrow. I learnt i had to think deeper, devoid of any emotion.

Soon by the time i was in my teens, i had started asking too many questions with no satisfactory answers. I knew I had to break the shackles of being a good boy. Give me a reason why marrying a widow is a sin in indian religion. Tell me why a guy who watches movies every day cannot be a good student. Show me how i lose my caste in marrying a girl of a lower caste. God eats prasad, but where does he go to shit? I was asking increasingly difficult questions, more generic questions... and rarely hearing answers. I always heard, dont say like this, dont think like this... what crap!

I was learning to do my experiments with my own life and seek my answers on my own... many were uncomfortable facts and truths... no matter how bad i felt, they had to be right because they followed the laws of statistics...

And it is because of the "rebellion" planted in me by my nanaji, i attend every religious ritual of the family even though i dont believe in god... and this inspite of none of my family members forcing me to attend any ceremony... i learnt that i can live my life by my own rules if i let others live it by their own... if i want others to follow my standards, i should also do some things to keep them happy... i learnt i didnt always have to be right if i can make my loved ones happy... i can talk to them about the right thing when they are more willing to accept it... I learnt that i have to stay in they society system to get rid of elements that i dont like... i am happy that all that happen in my life, good or bad, right or wrong, is all my doing and that even god (assuming he exists) has the priviledge of ridding me of the responsibility of my mistakes... its such a relief!!!

My case shows that the only way of maintaining tradition is to let people challenge it... Give the proper answers... If you cant, get rid of that ritual... Be rational... This is what the nalanda university scholars also practiced. I started doing namaskar to elders when i was told why it is a better form of greeting. You would lose your ego and earn respect from your child if you try to answer his questions. I am not against tradition, i just want to believe that my parents and elders are rational. So tell me, am i a rebel of the modern times?


(written on 15-jan-2008)

The Tragedy of Love

The Tragedy of Love

It was a nice sunny and beautiful morning,

And cool wind was blowing into my face.

I had finally found the girl of my dreams,

One could guess by my slow jolly pace.

Everything in the world and all things around me,

Seemed perfect and simply wonderful,

Was it because of her dreamy eyes, silky hair,

Or her skin so smooth, lips so full?

It simply didn’t matter to me any more,

Now I knew I had found my motivation in life.

I would aim for the stars, at least reach the moon

If not for myself, it’ll all be for my to be wife.

But what has happened yesterday…

Why did everything come to a standstill???

Was it her fault that she married someone else???

But she had said she had loved only me…

From the bottom of her heart…

Then why did she leave me??? I don’t know…

I could see truth in her eyes…

She wasn’t crying while she was leaving her home

But she started weeping just the moment our eyes met…

I was lost then in the in the happy crowd

I had never worked so much in my life

I knew I was running against time but…

I had a goal, just one goal then…

All I cared was for was her happiness

She could just come and tell me once…

Just that moment I was struck by a thought

It was never an eternal bonding she sought

She couldn’t tell her parents, but had she fought

It would’ve been the chance I would have got

I could plead and beg for time that I dearly sought

I would have happily left her if they had agreed not

I could still love her then, even without the nuptial knot

Usual love tragedies that written, read, told and taught

Are just traps of fantasies in which are minds are caught

Lovers there at least tried, and inspiration they brought

But by not giving me that chance, my life’s just a nought

No matter what happened to me, I wont give what I got

I request you my dear friends, please love truly what you ought

Give one chance; tragedy of love is what even one of us want not.

~Som

PS: I wrote this after one of my very close friends told his real life story to me…

This is a naïve attempt to match words and rhyme with chaos and order in the mind…

(April 2005)

We Bengalis

Bangla is the 7th most spoken language of the world, that is more than the number of people speaking russian, japanese or german! So when did this language come into being and who are the people speaking this language? What is their origin and basic culture? These questions were prompted by my nanaji's understanding that bengalis were actually a "lutera" tribe in earlier times!!!

Obviously history coursebooks are the last place you look for such answers. I did some research on this and came across some interesting observations and inferences.


History of Bengal

If we look at history, there is mention of Vanga (South Bengal + Bangladesh) + Anga (North Bengal) in Atharvaveda, along with Magadha (Bihar). They are a part of the solah mahajanpadas (16 great nations of the indian subcontinent) in 600 B.C. ReThe mahajanpadas are the first example of democracy in the history of the world. In hindu mythology epic The Mahabharata, Duryodhan had made Karna the King of Anga. Mahabharata (I.104.53-54) and Puranic literature (Matsya Purana: 48.19) attest that the name Anga had originated eponymously from the name of prince Anga, the founder of the kingdom. Matsya Purana describes the father of this eponymous hero as the chief among the demons (danavarshabhah).

Later, Bengalis were ruled by hindu kings, then buddishts, then muslim kings, and then the britishers. The first buddhist king of Bengal of the Pal dynasty, came into rule by election in 750 A.D., the first resurgence of democracy in south asia. But if you look at the history of bengal, it is not a part of a large empire for the longest times in history. If a large empire was breaking up, bengal would be one of the first to break apart. They had their own territory, often broken into smaller parts.

The fighting spirit of bengalis lived on. The idea of raising an army to fight the huge British empire could only have come from a true Bengali like Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose. People just 5 years back burnt an atrocious and exploitative zamindar alive in a bengal village. Even today, there are no pick-pockets in Bengal because if one is caught, the matter never reaches the police or court. The public beats the criminal to death on the spot! As i write this piece, army is being called into the city of Kolkata to control the mobs that are protesting against the communist party ruling Bengal for the past 30 continuous years. This is just the second week of the protest!


Economy of Bengal

The trade was flourishing with other parts of the country and the world. Champa, the capital of Anga was known for its wealth and commerce. The Mughals called Bengal as the "Paradise of the Nations" after being impressed with its trade and wealth. Farming was indeed one of the major activities of livelihood.


Geography of Bengal

Bengal is situated served by two huge rivers, Ganga and Brahmaputra. Both of them meet at the delta and merge with the sea. This is the mix of the marshy and forested area of the Sunderbans. Though rivers formed a major mode of transport in bengal, the terrain was so unique that only the locals of the area could fight a war there and win.


Religion of Bengal

History shows us that bengal on the average had been a hindu state in ancient times, then buddhist in early medieval times. There was a resurgence of hinduism at around 1000 A.D., followed by influx of islam. It is worth nothing that the caste system though observed in bengal, is not staunch at all.

If we look at the calendar of bengalis, we are always a day behind the lunar calendars followed in north india. In fact, the bengali calendar is said to be the only living remnant of the Tarikh-i-ilahi of Akbar the Great. Baisakhi, the new year day comes a day late in bengali. Bengalis do not pray to Lord Ram during Dusshera, but instead pray to Goddess Durga on the same day of Vijay Dashmi. On the day of diwali, bengalis do not celebrate lakshmi puja like the banias of north india. Instead they celebrate Kali Puja on the day of diwali with mutton/non-veg being a compulsory part of the prasad. Interestingly, the bengalis primary pray to war goddesses and the main festivals are to celebrate triumph in war.

It must be noted that it was in bengal that religious reform movements like Brahmo Samaj and abolition of archaic anti-female religious rituals like sati and child-marriage were started in Bengal, notably by Raja Ram Mohan Roy. Even today, liberal view islamic writer Taslima Nasreen lives in Kolkata, not in any muslim country.


Music and Dance of Bengal

Bengalis never had a classical music or dance form. It was all folk music and dance. The formal music emerged only in the late nineteenth and early 20th century with Rabindra Sangeet of Nobel Laureate Rabindra Nath Tagore.


Language of Bengal

The bangla language started emerging at around 1000 A.D., at the same time as that of the resurgence of hinduism. It is worth mentioning that bangla is closer to sanskrit or shudh hindi, not khadi boli. There are probably above a 100 dialects in bengali. But bengali, unlike hindi and like english, is a unisex language. The vocubulary is not very large and the words are sweet sounding. Interestingly, bengalis pronouce 'V' and 'BH' exactly the same inspite of having two different alphabets for it in the devanagari script. It is to be noted that a proper script of bangla was developed by Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar only in the 19th century.

There are two more things to note about the bangla language. Bangla unlike english and like hindi, has three sets of addressing styles, mai, tum and aap. Plus, unlike hindi and unlike english, spitting and throwing has the same corresponding word in bangla. Obviously, there is no epic in bangla!


Sciences in Bengal

If you have heard of Indian scientists, you must have heard of Sir Jagadish Chandra Bose and Meghnad Saha. And if you are well-read, you must have read about Bose-Einstein theory and Bose-Einstein condensate! This emergence of scientific education in bengal started in English, not in Bengali. The bengali script had just taken form, let alone knowledge being present in bengali language!


Households and Culture of Bengal

The Bengali household is unusual compared to the other indian ones. The females have a far greater voice in the house and society. It is only the bengali husband that is known to be beaten up by his wife. This sense of violence is demonstrated in bringing up children as well. How many children would have heard the following dialogues on almost a daily basis from their parents while being disobedient:
1. Eat your food or i'll stuff so much food in your mouth that you will never be able to open it your entire life
2. Come here quickly or i will smash your head into the wall
3. If you do not study hard, i will bang the saucepan hard on your head and break it.
You would agree that such children would only be bengali.

Moreover, even in the early 20th century, Tagore's stories talk of a girl and boy sitting all night in one room and studying together. Too modern for India even now right?


So who is this bengali we all know? He is a human being who is a genetic mixture of aryans, dravidians, chinese and malays. It is the geographical area where all these human sub-species meet and mingle. He is a fierce warrior who has villages named golakaata (neck-slicked), pota-paadaa (buried-alive-colony) and mathaphaata (smashed-heads). He was influenced by many religions and cultures but still managed to stay independent. That is why the caste system of north india/aryan hindus could never grow strong. Bengalis fought a lot among themselves too, that is why even today bengalis are never a good linguistic political force/party. The bengali tribes were brought together by the Britishers who first captured trade and then power. That effect of english education is seen on the formalized unisex language and the modern nature of bengal households. The emergence of music, arts, social sciences and other intellectual activities in bengalis was a result of the primary activity of war being taken away from them. All this happened just about a century ago!!!

(Written by me on 21-nov-2007)

views on reservation

Known funda behind reservations :-
1. Reservation is thought to be the easiest way to enforce all people to get
equal chances...
2. it works on the assumption that given a chance, people who get reservation
would perform almost as well as the others...
3. and hence, we would finally reach a situation where the "disadvantages" of
the backwards classes are removed, and we would no longer need reservation

But there are a few hidden aspects to it as well...
1. i feel that reservation works on a basic assumption that all people would be
honest and fair... to much to assume in this world!!! people use this concept
of reservation and backwardness for their own advantage... once given, its
almost impossible to remove... hence we need to reconsider our assumptions...
2. all people do not get the advantage of reservations due to lack of
information, opportunities and education... so people who have already
benefitted from reservation once, keep on benefitting from it... hence govt
needs to move away from a passive way of improving society by laws to a more
proactive role (eg: opening more schools)
3. some people will always remain "backward"... but the definition of the term
is not complete, and is static... hence, we need to modify this aspect...
4. now in today's age of competition, the non-reserved class feels that it is
losing out opportunities to candidates who are not as deserving as they are...
true... so do we remove reservation??? no, there are still lot of people left
to take the benefits of reservation (plus other "reasons")... so we continue
with reservation or increase it... thus entering a vicious circle... hence we
need to break this circle, innovatively...
5. reservation has never solved a problem... it makes us more dependent on the
"system" to iron out the inconsistencies... but in the meanwhile we forget that
we are a part of the system... what is needed is a will to change the
mentality...

broadly, its all a loop ... nepotism (my child/relative should do well) -->
corruption (minor manipulation for that is okay) --> "casteism" (to maintain
advantage to my friends) --> "chalta hai" (thats what happens here attitude)
--> selfishness (let me benefit from this) --> more nepotism (everyone is doing
it so its probably okay now) .....

i note that most steps taken till today have been to address the first three
issues... but it hardly addresses the two attitude/mentality issues of the
loop... education is the only way out...

Steps we can take are (suggestions are of course invited) :
1. scope : for now, restrict reservation and related benefits to education only
and not expand its radius... the recruiting companies should be barred from
knowing details of whether the person belongs to the reserved category or
not...
2. proactive approach by system : take help of NGOs and social work
organisations to spread awareness... open more schools in backward areas...
promote initiatives to improve economic status... give advantages to people
from backward areas to take initiative to improve their economic condition...
3. concept redefinition : redefine the term backward classes... economic basis
is the best alternative... probably we need a dictatorship in place to modify
required laws!!! but anyways, an alternative can be that once a reserved
category candidate gets education from an A category institute, he cannot use
his reservation any more... opportunities are now open for him...
4. dynamic nature of improvement : progressively reduce reservation
percentages... or maybe we can have reservation for those all those people whose
annual income is below a certain limit... this would increase standard in the
reserved masses, and also reduce excessive competition for the non reserved
people...
5. our contribution : incorporate moral education taught to us into our own
lives... probably do some "social work", atleast after retirement... after all,
the best way to reach heaven is by serving man...

all these steps have to be taken together to get synergistic results... giving
solutions is tough... there are too many factors that are related to each
other... lets try to work to evolve possible solution(s) to the issue we have
here... reservation has to end sometime... and the sooner it ends, the better.....

(written in mid october 2004 on dbabble in response to some posts)

Governance: Religion & Law

today me and my friends abhisek and shaurya were having a discussion regarding what stance we should take regarding imposition on emergency in pakistan. it naturally became a heated discussion, prompting me to pen down my view regarding the basics i have in mind while thinking of such affairs.

if you ask me, governance is what has to create a balance of the following social forces:
1. religion
2. economics
3. politics
4. culture
the method used is usually creating and executing law... with judiciary to decide when exceptions can be made to law...

Lets look at a subset of the governance issue involving religion and law of society. religion is a set of guidelines for society. each individual is supposed to choose the set of guidelines he wants to follow to lead his life. religious "rules" are a matter of personal choice not social compulsion. on the other hand, law is a set of universally acceptable rules. there is no personal choice in law. governance is maintaining the proper balance in society among religion and law.

sadly, religion for the common man becomes a set of inviolate rules by which each man should abide. this is dangerous, because unlike law, religious rules are usually static and do not take into account the dynamic social context. laws change frequently, religious "rules" do not. if the government composed of the elite can not keep a balance between law and religion, the society might go to hell. but if religious "rules" become the law, the society will definitely go to hell.

if you read swami vivekananda's views on the importance of rationality in building a society, these fundas will become clear. sadly even the hindu nationalists are behaving so backwardly... being a forward religion, hindus accepted the divorce law passed in parliament even though its not permitted in the religion... law is for those who dont follow religion, but then religion too should not be such that it makes the majority of society members as law breakers...

coming to governance, i hate it when people over-generalise that one form of governance over other... hitler may be abhored by many but he made germany the most advanced engineering nation of the world and it is like that till date... we need to accept that preferred form of governance is a dynamic thing... for some country it may be democracy today and dictatorship tomorrow... even subhash chandra bose had said india needs dictatorship for atleast 10 years to rid it of the indiscipline of the non-cooperation movement... we didnt have it and thats why government offices are still the kaam pe aao, aur chai peeyo types...

i agree with shaurya's statement that i am least bothered about a nuclear fallout because of dictatorship. the entire world gangs up against any nuclear weapon state with a dictatorial head of state. human rights violation are not necessarily a result of dictatorship. democracy means the right to raise a voice against exploitation, it does not mean lesser exploitation. a country cant justify its existence based on democracy if its laws are based on rules that demand inequality among genders.

coming to my reaction, i would first say that my general order of deciding my priority of issues in descending order is:
1. me
2. my family and friends
3. my country
4. mankind
i dont have even a micron of concern for those who have decided to go to hell, whether it is via democracy or dictatorship or whatever. As long as they dont plan to take me along.

this does not mean i dont play a part in changing things... if there was a petition of the tandoor murder case or S.K.Dubey case or gujarat riots or blue-line killings in delhi i would have voted... i already have voted in such petitions, example the anti-reservatin issue... but jab apni country nahi handle ho rahi hai to doosre ke maamle mein load kyon lena... i would have voted for the pakistan one too, but i feel i am inadequately aware of the actual circumstances to form an opinion... do you ever realise that even the communist rule in china is sort of "group dictatorship"??? why dont we protest about that??? do we ever protest against the monarchy rule of the arab states that is also close to dictatorship???

if you cant have a opinion that is well-thought, dont have one at all... dont open your mouth and convince the people that you are indeed dumb... if by chance US decides to attack US based on some stupid reason, its only India that can intervene and save Pakistan, not the back-stabbing chinese.

(written on 7-nov-2007 on the day of the mail interactions)