Defeat

Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.

Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance,
Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot
And not to be trapped by withering laurels.
And in you I have found aloneness
And the joy of being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield,
In your eyes I have read
That to be enthroned is to be enslaved,
and to be understood is to be levelled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one's fullness
and like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion,
You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences,
And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings,
And urging of seas,
And of mountains that burn in the night,
And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.

~ Khalil Gibran, The Madman, Chapter 22

Shock!!!

Shock!!!

Lush green, beautiful and serene

Is the island in the middle of the sea

It is a marvel of nature built by god

Just waiting to be enjoyed only by me

Lush green, beautiful and serene

Is the island in the middle of the sea

It belongs to me and no one knows

And its my duty to protect it you see

Oh, I just wished it too loudly,

Somebody above must’ve heard it now

But I want to be there so badly

Maybe my lottery ticket gets me there somehow

I was on the balcony of my hotel room

When I heard someone’s wish tonight

What good is my island if no one enjoys it?

I must help this guy come out of his plight!

I wake up next day to a fresh morning,

The lottery result was out too

I again screamed loud enough

“Hey island, I am coming to you”

What better present can I give to this guy

Than giving him what he wants most

As an additional prize on my birthday

I gift him a month to enjoy on the coast

The sand and the sea and the open sky

The flock of birds flying across the setting sun

Nothing to worry about and nothing to care

Throwing my beer can I say, “I AM THE ONE!!!”

The sand and the sea and the open sky

The flock of birds flying across the rising sun

This fellow throws garbage and spoils my land

What makes him think he is THE RIGHTFUL ONE???

Life on this island has been like royal

And no doubt it has been my best week

I speak aloud all and all I want is there

But cleaning up my mess is not what I seek

He just speaks aloud whatever he wishes

And gets what he wants, that I make sure

But what nature built in years, he spoilt in a week

If he doesn’t improve he’ll pay, that’s for sure

It was damn cold today man

Nature seems to be playing games

But I can fight with nature’s unfairness

I shall set some trees to flames

Today I was outraged by his insanity

A bonfire of my trees was made by him

The way he is slowly destroying my island

Slow death is what I declare for him

Oh, I don’t know what kept me asleep

I wake up for the first time watching sunset

No!!! Where are my toes???

A letter says, “That what the crows today ate…”

So, I had drugged his food yesterday

I feel like the protector of this island

A few less grams of his unwanted feet

would now would touch my land

Come out you swine, face me if you can

This is not the way, you deal you coward!!!

I still have my hands you bugger

I’ll show you what I am till you come forward….

Hey, this guy is yelling out now

Why scream your heart our loud, son?

Cant you imagine how the trees would’ve

shouted when you burnt them for fun?

Again I am feeling groggy while waking up

Oh damn, damn, damn… Jeez!!!

Two fingers from each of my hand are missing

Someone please save me, Please!!!

This guy is so foolish, just shouts

And then eats what I give him

Poor fellow, for his stupidity this time

I plan to serve him his own fingers fried

I try to run out of the house,

Shit… someone has locked all doors

I just see a menu card lying on the table

“Fingers Fried” is the only item it shows…

Time has come for me to cast my final blow

He cannot run now and he cannot leave

I have closed all the doors of the house

The plan for his death is for me to weave

I grab the glass on the table for water

I turn the knob and the glass is filled

Without looking I take a sip and … eeks!!!

Someone’s blood has been served to me chilled

I know the psychological effect of fear

For people call me a psychopath

But why don’t these people realise one thing

It is you who’ve chosen to face my wrath

I run to the loo to wash my face

“You drank your own blood sunny”

I glance at the mirror and see my face

“You can free yourself, aint it funny???”

I never wanted to kill this guy myself

Killing himself was what fate had inked

that’s what would help mankind

else nature would make man extinct

I felt someone was laughing at me,

As I was looking at the rope circling

the image of my face in the mirror,

I could only free myself by hanging

I couldn’t help laughing when I

imagine what his state would have been

He had just seen sipped his own blood

How he takes his own blood remains to be seen

How I hung myself and I how long I hung

I simply don’t know, and I don’t care

Was this the way I should’ve been made to realise

Do anything, but with nature, I shouldn’t dare…

This was probably not the right thing to do

But atleast for once I felt almighty

Animals like man spoil their own land

I hope from now on, man really does his duty

I wrote this poem for a few reasons:

1. Poems on this topic are rare.
2. All poem styles are same, a single flow… I felt it needed some new approach. Hence this simultaneous parallel style.
3. Even crimes can be made to sound beautiful. People usually don’t try it because of the inherent bias in thinking.

I am not in favour of any such harsh behaviour as in this poem. So don’t hang me for that!!! :-)

~Som (written in the first week of december 2004, but reactions to this were so harsh that it made me discontinue expressing my imaginations in poetry)

I just need SLEEP

I just need SLEEP.....
----------------------

i sit at the shore, just looking the sea and the sun
i dont even know whether its the setting or the rising one
The sands of time have flowed through my fingers
all this while, i was just busy with the numbers
So many people, and no doubt all of them good
since its between me and the world, bet on the world i would
perhaps its not too late... i can get up and run
but my mind has something else as priority one
all that i just need now is SLEEP...
my name in a Short List, and a rem in EEP!!!
why did i write such an arbit poem, i dont know
if you ever figure that out... do let me know!!!

~Som (written sometime in the first half of november 2004)

Being Indian

Posted on the orkut community "Indian v/s Western philosophy" on 9 July 2006 by Nipun:

Acc to Pavan Kr Verma, Indians have some distinct characteristics that include:

1. Natural amorality
2. Materialistic pragmatism
3. Propensity for ends (without thought of means)
4. Excessive love for perks of power
5. Dislike for disorder
6. Compromise and self-preservation
7. Ability to retain hope
8. Resilience that comes from being continually exposed to adversity
9. Intrinsically non-violent nature
10. Indifference to sufferings of weak and poor
11. Extraordinary sensitivity to calculus of power
12. Exceptionally hierarchical in outlook
13. Not democratic by instinct or temperament

Comments... anyone?


My response to it on 18 September 2006:

First of all, please let us not equate hinduism and indianness... It might be true, but sometimes it is distracting... The analysis by Mr. Pavan Kumar Verma is excellent. but though he has been correct in his analysis, though there are gaps. At first glance it portrays an each indian as greedy and selfish. True. But it also gives the impression that an indian is very "rational" and unemotional. False. Let me explain.

In the ancient times, the caste system was absent... even in its most primitive form, it was based on occupation... that was rational as it brought structure and efficiency in society... later on it degenerated... caste system became hereditary... the spirit of spiritual and theological argumentation was replaced by later holy books... the rationality was lost in the process...

Next, the family is the basic unit of society in any caste... the family then started being bound more by emotions and external society rules... the family members who questioned society were controlled greatly by the rest of the family, and the tool used was emotions... things started turning dogmatic...

so slowly, the tendency has become more of justification than rational decision making. the "rational unemotional selfish greedy indian" has become an "irrational emotional selfish greedy indian"... this had even been noted by our famous leaders like annie besant... americans and europeans can work and cooperate fully with the people they hate the most if it serves their purpose... but indians must like the people they work with... so much for pragmatism.....

so if you look at the indian society as a whole, it is far from what indian philosophy wanted it to be like... all of us are extremely immoral, but try to show that we are extremely moral... this duplicity has become a part of our character... i might admire a movie heroine for marrying a muslim hero in a movie, but i would probably be dead against my sister doing so...

all i can say is, i wish my analysis is totally false...

May I think?

May I think?
-------------

I had heard that man is a social animal. True. I had also heard that he thinks and therefore he is. True again. Somehow since I don’t know when, I could not understand how both of them could be true together. If man is to work for society like an animal without questioning, he is no longer thinking. If he thinks that there are better ways for doing stuff than what is currently done in society, he is deemed a rebel and anti-social and many a time called evil.

I was forced to think as to what makes us different from all other animals on this planet, and what exactly makes us human. Is it our instincts? No, we have all the instincts of animals. Is it our emotions? Perhaps I missed one or two but again, animals have all the emotions we display. What is the one thing that we have and animals don’t? It is our capacity to think, the fact that we have brains and intelligence. This is what makes us human. We can make abstractions, logical deductions and inferences. We can decide! But animals also decide. So how are our decisions different from those of animals? It is simply because we can decide with our brains and logic, whereas animals just use their instincts and emotions. But things become a little complicated here. We humans also can decide using our emotions and instincts. So how do we maintain the difference and be humans? Does our complicated society structure help us in our decisions?

I remember the umpteen incidents when I was so happy pleasing everyone and doing things for others. I always shared my chocolate as a kid. I cherished those moments of appreciation and praise. In fact, I wanted everyone to share his/her gifts. I did that because I respected the words of my elders. But there were also times when I was caught between conflicting demands of “other people”. I ended up hurting them anyway or the other. At that time I could think for myself. I could see that what I am saying or doing is correct and what others tell me is wrong. Much of what they told me didn’t make any sense. When any of my friends cheated with me while playing, I used to beat them up. After all, why cheat, and that too with your friend? My maternal grandfather, who is my real-life idol, taught me self-control and simultaneously he taught me to think practically. We are still told that higher marks mean more knowledge and sharpness. I remember avoiding the first rank in all school and college exams on purpose, and still winning academic scholarships that mattered. My parents were sad, but will they not be sadder if I am just a mugging parrot and not an intellectual that I can be? For instance, if I see a girl and I instantly know this is the girl I was waiting for my whole life, why should others tell me I am probably mistaken? They are neither me, nor do they know what I want and nor they are going to live my life.

Consider an example: suppose my parents, wife and children are sick. I don’t have enough money for their treatment. So should I steal? Should I let my parents die? Should I let my wife die? Should I let my children die? Should I beg? Should I just pray and do nothing? Society will never help me decide, will it? It is such moments of time that choose a human from the non-human. In my opinion, the ones who begged or prayed were not human. Humans try. They use their brain and their will and try. What good are the morals taught to us our entire lives then? What good are the society’s ethics if they cannot help me save lives I value?

Some of you may find the above example an extreme case with leading questions. Maybe you are right. But can you be fully sure that the above example is impossible? What will our society do if such a thing happens? Prevent it, or provide help in such cases? In the past few minutes there may be an impression in your mind that I am against society. Then my friend, you were hardly reading with your mind open. Don’t you agree that in your youth days there were times when you thought that this is the way things should be, but you were disappointed? I am just trying to be a youth inside you. Don’t you think there are things that are better in other countries or homes? You have an idea of an ideal society in your mind. Chances are that you have articulated your idea inadequately. Each one of us will have a different idea of an ideal society. We would probably never be able to reach a conclusion on what an ideal society should be. I have loved the colours of our diverse culture and I want it to remain. But even in that diversity, we have always preserved our sense of similarity and our identity. Go to any part of India and you will ever feel you are not in India when you talk to people. That is the India I love, the India of freedom, argument and acceptance.

You must have seen that I have been questioning many things that happen around us. I am happy that I am allowed to question. I follow some of our cultural traditions, like touching the feet of some elders because I was told why it is done. It is because you trust and respect the other person so much that you offer your neck to the other person and he will not kill you. But I don’t listen to things like not going for a haircut on a Saturday. “Something bad will happen” is a ridiculous and laughable reason. I don’t believe Sri Krishna was a god. For me he was a wise human of ancient times, and I try to live by what he said in the Gita, not because I am god-fearing, but because it was sensible. He told us to fight and even kill our family members if they are wrong. If I think my family is wrong, I am not in favour of such extreme steps, but I can at least question and discuss. In this age of modernity and reason, only the things that are rational will survive. This is the same rational society that Swami Vivekananda had envisioned.

~ Som

(Published in Durga Puja Souvenir of Sarita Vihar, 2006)

The Girl in my life!!!

The Girl in my life!!!
----------------------

Strange is the way she smiles,
with such grace in her eyes!
Casts just a glance on your face,
And the pulse begins to race!

How to describe her elegant gait?
To imbibe its beauty, even time can wait!
The steps she takes, the way she moves,
Like a leaf dancing to the breezy grooves!

When she talks, a song she sings,
Far in the distance, that special bell rings!
Nightingale, they say, has the sweetest voice,
Compare them, She'd be my only choice!

Look at her face, the expression it bears,
A sky, which many rainbows pierce!
It's a nature's gift, a beautiful scenery,
Better than pastures lush with greenery!

Her magical tresses, they fly and fly,
Long, dark, straight, My oh My!
When she smiles, it's break of dawn,
Look at her, and your worries are gone!

You mind must be asking "who is she?",
Who fills one's heart with joy and glee,
Perhaps she is an angel, or maybe a dream,
But still you want her, how difficult it may seem...

If you ask me now, "hey, is she real?",
"Can i ever get her?", and i will say "Real???"
"Just open your heart, and let your mind be free",
"I found my sweetu, miracles happen you see"

I found her in *Sreeparna*, let it be known,
Seeds of love, are always waiting to be sown,
If ever you ask, where art thou oh lovely one?
Just look around, and to her your heart'll run!!!

~ Som

(Written in late October 2004)

The Sculpture I Create

The Sculpture I Create
----------------------

I think that I am someone old,
And I do have a name
I am proud of my sculpture
That brings me fame

Each passing day I modify
My sculpture again and again
You might think I am crazy
But I assure you I am sane

It seems like ages,
But what I want is perfection
Heavens above have faith in me,
I’ve to live up to expectation

I trust my tools
And have faith in my experience
Above all I have my skill
All these give me confidence

But today I have to do something new
There are sculptors just like me
Our aim is to better our sculptures
By copying from each other, what we see

After all, we all want our sculptures
To be beautiful and ornate
But what do we do, if the base is weak
It has to crumble says the judge, Mr. Fate

Can I trust my rationality?
Will I copy anything nice I see?
Or wait for others to copy my style
In which a strong base is a must be

More questions start popping up now,
As I steal a look sculptures around,
I gloat of trusting myself and all I have
But still I quickly copy something new I found

I know I have the responsibility
To make our sculptures the best
Should I show them by taking a lead
Or just follow the popular like all the rest

I am the people of this country
And I can only make my culture
I have always stood my ground,
Though there have been many a vulture

I trust our tradition, that’s my experience
I have tools of various forms,
To all the other people they are
better known as my social norms

But as we move towards a global village
I can’t seal myself and pride in my work
I have to be geared to meet the future,
The opportunity, I know, is enough perk

I have succeeded in shielding my work in the past
As always time has changed, I can see…
But why do I question my skill now
Perhaps, it’s a sense of self hypocrisy

I have prided in my “secular” credentials
In fact, it is there in my constitution
But when my hindu sister loves a christian guy
I just call that unwanted rebellion

Still I say caste system is now over,
Well, as long as saying works, its okay
I don’t even give or take dowry any more
Though some “small giftings” are here to stay

When I’m a rustic and I vote for my clan fellow
I am ridiculed by them for my stagnation
Though they, whom education has made elite
Vote the same, but just provide elegant justification

It has become busy these days
At my work for days on end,
If I stand back and think for a while,
Acceptance is the essential to make things bend

Things seem crazy right now but
Solutions would come to us I know,
The best sculpture is waiting to be made
It is just that some thoughts need to flow

And maybe I am just old because
I have stopped thinking my usual way
All other sculptors would copy my art,
I hope I’ll pass the test of time that day

~ Som

(Written sometime in November-December 2004, IIMA)