The Tragedy of Love

The Tragedy of Love

It was a nice sunny and beautiful morning,

And cool wind was blowing into my face.

I had finally found the girl of my dreams,

One could guess by my slow jolly pace.

Everything in the world and all things around me,

Seemed perfect and simply wonderful,

Was it because of her dreamy eyes, silky hair,

Or her skin so smooth, lips so full?

It simply didn’t matter to me any more,

Now I knew I had found my motivation in life.

I would aim for the stars, at least reach the moon

If not for myself, it’ll all be for my to be wife.

But what has happened yesterday…

Why did everything come to a standstill???

Was it her fault that she married someone else???

But she had said she had loved only me…

From the bottom of her heart…

Then why did she leave me??? I don’t know…

I could see truth in her eyes…

She wasn’t crying while she was leaving her home

But she started weeping just the moment our eyes met…

I was lost then in the in the happy crowd

I had never worked so much in my life

I knew I was running against time but…

I had a goal, just one goal then…

All I cared was for was her happiness

She could just come and tell me once…

Just that moment I was struck by a thought

It was never an eternal bonding she sought

She couldn’t tell her parents, but had she fought

It would’ve been the chance I would have got

I could plead and beg for time that I dearly sought

I would have happily left her if they had agreed not

I could still love her then, even without the nuptial knot

Usual love tragedies that written, read, told and taught

Are just traps of fantasies in which are minds are caught

Lovers there at least tried, and inspiration they brought

But by not giving me that chance, my life’s just a nought

No matter what happened to me, I wont give what I got

I request you my dear friends, please love truly what you ought

Give one chance; tragedy of love is what even one of us want not.

~Som

PS: I wrote this after one of my very close friends told his real life story to me…

This is a naïve attempt to match words and rhyme with chaos and order in the mind…

(April 2005)

We Bengalis

Bangla is the 7th most spoken language of the world, that is more than the number of people speaking russian, japanese or german! So when did this language come into being and who are the people speaking this language? What is their origin and basic culture? These questions were prompted by my nanaji's understanding that bengalis were actually a "lutera" tribe in earlier times!!!

Obviously history coursebooks are the last place you look for such answers. I did some research on this and came across some interesting observations and inferences.


History of Bengal

If we look at history, there is mention of Vanga (South Bengal + Bangladesh) + Anga (North Bengal) in Atharvaveda, along with Magadha (Bihar). They are a part of the solah mahajanpadas (16 great nations of the indian subcontinent) in 600 B.C. ReThe mahajanpadas are the first example of democracy in the history of the world. In hindu mythology epic The Mahabharata, Duryodhan had made Karna the King of Anga. Mahabharata (I.104.53-54) and Puranic literature (Matsya Purana: 48.19) attest that the name Anga had originated eponymously from the name of prince Anga, the founder of the kingdom. Matsya Purana describes the father of this eponymous hero as the chief among the demons (danavarshabhah).

Later, Bengalis were ruled by hindu kings, then buddishts, then muslim kings, and then the britishers. The first buddhist king of Bengal of the Pal dynasty, came into rule by election in 750 A.D., the first resurgence of democracy in south asia. But if you look at the history of bengal, it is not a part of a large empire for the longest times in history. If a large empire was breaking up, bengal would be one of the first to break apart. They had their own territory, often broken into smaller parts.

The fighting spirit of bengalis lived on. The idea of raising an army to fight the huge British empire could only have come from a true Bengali like Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose. People just 5 years back burnt an atrocious and exploitative zamindar alive in a bengal village. Even today, there are no pick-pockets in Bengal because if one is caught, the matter never reaches the police or court. The public beats the criminal to death on the spot! As i write this piece, army is being called into the city of Kolkata to control the mobs that are protesting against the communist party ruling Bengal for the past 30 continuous years. This is just the second week of the protest!


Economy of Bengal

The trade was flourishing with other parts of the country and the world. Champa, the capital of Anga was known for its wealth and commerce. The Mughals called Bengal as the "Paradise of the Nations" after being impressed with its trade and wealth. Farming was indeed one of the major activities of livelihood.


Geography of Bengal

Bengal is situated served by two huge rivers, Ganga and Brahmaputra. Both of them meet at the delta and merge with the sea. This is the mix of the marshy and forested area of the Sunderbans. Though rivers formed a major mode of transport in bengal, the terrain was so unique that only the locals of the area could fight a war there and win.


Religion of Bengal

History shows us that bengal on the average had been a hindu state in ancient times, then buddhist in early medieval times. There was a resurgence of hinduism at around 1000 A.D., followed by influx of islam. It is worth nothing that the caste system though observed in bengal, is not staunch at all.

If we look at the calendar of bengalis, we are always a day behind the lunar calendars followed in north india. In fact, the bengali calendar is said to be the only living remnant of the Tarikh-i-ilahi of Akbar the Great. Baisakhi, the new year day comes a day late in bengali. Bengalis do not pray to Lord Ram during Dusshera, but instead pray to Goddess Durga on the same day of Vijay Dashmi. On the day of diwali, bengalis do not celebrate lakshmi puja like the banias of north india. Instead they celebrate Kali Puja on the day of diwali with mutton/non-veg being a compulsory part of the prasad. Interestingly, the bengalis primary pray to war goddesses and the main festivals are to celebrate triumph in war.

It must be noted that it was in bengal that religious reform movements like Brahmo Samaj and abolition of archaic anti-female religious rituals like sati and child-marriage were started in Bengal, notably by Raja Ram Mohan Roy. Even today, liberal view islamic writer Taslima Nasreen lives in Kolkata, not in any muslim country.


Music and Dance of Bengal

Bengalis never had a classical music or dance form. It was all folk music and dance. The formal music emerged only in the late nineteenth and early 20th century with Rabindra Sangeet of Nobel Laureate Rabindra Nath Tagore.


Language of Bengal

The bangla language started emerging at around 1000 A.D., at the same time as that of the resurgence of hinduism. It is worth mentioning that bangla is closer to sanskrit or shudh hindi, not khadi boli. There are probably above a 100 dialects in bengali. But bengali, unlike hindi and like english, is a unisex language. The vocubulary is not very large and the words are sweet sounding. Interestingly, bengalis pronouce 'V' and 'BH' exactly the same inspite of having two different alphabets for it in the devanagari script. It is to be noted that a proper script of bangla was developed by Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar only in the 19th century.

There are two more things to note about the bangla language. Bangla unlike english and like hindi, has three sets of addressing styles, mai, tum and aap. Plus, unlike hindi and unlike english, spitting and throwing has the same corresponding word in bangla. Obviously, there is no epic in bangla!


Sciences in Bengal

If you have heard of Indian scientists, you must have heard of Sir Jagadish Chandra Bose and Meghnad Saha. And if you are well-read, you must have read about Bose-Einstein theory and Bose-Einstein condensate! This emergence of scientific education in bengal started in English, not in Bengali. The bengali script had just taken form, let alone knowledge being present in bengali language!


Households and Culture of Bengal

The Bengali household is unusual compared to the other indian ones. The females have a far greater voice in the house and society. It is only the bengali husband that is known to be beaten up by his wife. This sense of violence is demonstrated in bringing up children as well. How many children would have heard the following dialogues on almost a daily basis from their parents while being disobedient:
1. Eat your food or i'll stuff so much food in your mouth that you will never be able to open it your entire life
2. Come here quickly or i will smash your head into the wall
3. If you do not study hard, i will bang the saucepan hard on your head and break it.
You would agree that such children would only be bengali.

Moreover, even in the early 20th century, Tagore's stories talk of a girl and boy sitting all night in one room and studying together. Too modern for India even now right?


So who is this bengali we all know? He is a human being who is a genetic mixture of aryans, dravidians, chinese and malays. It is the geographical area where all these human sub-species meet and mingle. He is a fierce warrior who has villages named golakaata (neck-slicked), pota-paadaa (buried-alive-colony) and mathaphaata (smashed-heads). He was influenced by many religions and cultures but still managed to stay independent. That is why the caste system of north india/aryan hindus could never grow strong. Bengalis fought a lot among themselves too, that is why even today bengalis are never a good linguistic political force/party. The bengali tribes were brought together by the Britishers who first captured trade and then power. That effect of english education is seen on the formalized unisex language and the modern nature of bengal households. The emergence of music, arts, social sciences and other intellectual activities in bengalis was a result of the primary activity of war being taken away from them. All this happened just about a century ago!!!

(Written by me on 21-nov-2007)

views on reservation

Known funda behind reservations :-
1. Reservation is thought to be the easiest way to enforce all people to get
equal chances...
2. it works on the assumption that given a chance, people who get reservation
would perform almost as well as the others...
3. and hence, we would finally reach a situation where the "disadvantages" of
the backwards classes are removed, and we would no longer need reservation

But there are a few hidden aspects to it as well...
1. i feel that reservation works on a basic assumption that all people would be
honest and fair... to much to assume in this world!!! people use this concept
of reservation and backwardness for their own advantage... once given, its
almost impossible to remove... hence we need to reconsider our assumptions...
2. all people do not get the advantage of reservations due to lack of
information, opportunities and education... so people who have already
benefitted from reservation once, keep on benefitting from it... hence govt
needs to move away from a passive way of improving society by laws to a more
proactive role (eg: opening more schools)
3. some people will always remain "backward"... but the definition of the term
is not complete, and is static... hence, we need to modify this aspect...
4. now in today's age of competition, the non-reserved class feels that it is
losing out opportunities to candidates who are not as deserving as they are...
true... so do we remove reservation??? no, there are still lot of people left
to take the benefits of reservation (plus other "reasons")... so we continue
with reservation or increase it... thus entering a vicious circle... hence we
need to break this circle, innovatively...
5. reservation has never solved a problem... it makes us more dependent on the
"system" to iron out the inconsistencies... but in the meanwhile we forget that
we are a part of the system... what is needed is a will to change the
mentality...

broadly, its all a loop ... nepotism (my child/relative should do well) -->
corruption (minor manipulation for that is okay) --> "casteism" (to maintain
advantage to my friends) --> "chalta hai" (thats what happens here attitude)
--> selfishness (let me benefit from this) --> more nepotism (everyone is doing
it so its probably okay now) .....

i note that most steps taken till today have been to address the first three
issues... but it hardly addresses the two attitude/mentality issues of the
loop... education is the only way out...

Steps we can take are (suggestions are of course invited) :
1. scope : for now, restrict reservation and related benefits to education only
and not expand its radius... the recruiting companies should be barred from
knowing details of whether the person belongs to the reserved category or
not...
2. proactive approach by system : take help of NGOs and social work
organisations to spread awareness... open more schools in backward areas...
promote initiatives to improve economic status... give advantages to people
from backward areas to take initiative to improve their economic condition...
3. concept redefinition : redefine the term backward classes... economic basis
is the best alternative... probably we need a dictatorship in place to modify
required laws!!! but anyways, an alternative can be that once a reserved
category candidate gets education from an A category institute, he cannot use
his reservation any more... opportunities are now open for him...
4. dynamic nature of improvement : progressively reduce reservation
percentages... or maybe we can have reservation for those all those people whose
annual income is below a certain limit... this would increase standard in the
reserved masses, and also reduce excessive competition for the non reserved
people...
5. our contribution : incorporate moral education taught to us into our own
lives... probably do some "social work", atleast after retirement... after all,
the best way to reach heaven is by serving man...

all these steps have to be taken together to get synergistic results... giving
solutions is tough... there are too many factors that are related to each
other... lets try to work to evolve possible solution(s) to the issue we have
here... reservation has to end sometime... and the sooner it ends, the better.....

(written in mid october 2004 on dbabble in response to some posts)

Governance: Religion & Law

today me and my friends abhisek and shaurya were having a discussion regarding what stance we should take regarding imposition on emergency in pakistan. it naturally became a heated discussion, prompting me to pen down my view regarding the basics i have in mind while thinking of such affairs.

if you ask me, governance is what has to create a balance of the following social forces:
1. religion
2. economics
3. politics
4. culture
the method used is usually creating and executing law... with judiciary to decide when exceptions can be made to law...

Lets look at a subset of the governance issue involving religion and law of society. religion is a set of guidelines for society. each individual is supposed to choose the set of guidelines he wants to follow to lead his life. religious "rules" are a matter of personal choice not social compulsion. on the other hand, law is a set of universally acceptable rules. there is no personal choice in law. governance is maintaining the proper balance in society among religion and law.

sadly, religion for the common man becomes a set of inviolate rules by which each man should abide. this is dangerous, because unlike law, religious rules are usually static and do not take into account the dynamic social context. laws change frequently, religious "rules" do not. if the government composed of the elite can not keep a balance between law and religion, the society might go to hell. but if religious "rules" become the law, the society will definitely go to hell.

if you read swami vivekananda's views on the importance of rationality in building a society, these fundas will become clear. sadly even the hindu nationalists are behaving so backwardly... being a forward religion, hindus accepted the divorce law passed in parliament even though its not permitted in the religion... law is for those who dont follow religion, but then religion too should not be such that it makes the majority of society members as law breakers...

coming to governance, i hate it when people over-generalise that one form of governance over other... hitler may be abhored by many but he made germany the most advanced engineering nation of the world and it is like that till date... we need to accept that preferred form of governance is a dynamic thing... for some country it may be democracy today and dictatorship tomorrow... even subhash chandra bose had said india needs dictatorship for atleast 10 years to rid it of the indiscipline of the non-cooperation movement... we didnt have it and thats why government offices are still the kaam pe aao, aur chai peeyo types...

i agree with shaurya's statement that i am least bothered about a nuclear fallout because of dictatorship. the entire world gangs up against any nuclear weapon state with a dictatorial head of state. human rights violation are not necessarily a result of dictatorship. democracy means the right to raise a voice against exploitation, it does not mean lesser exploitation. a country cant justify its existence based on democracy if its laws are based on rules that demand inequality among genders.

coming to my reaction, i would first say that my general order of deciding my priority of issues in descending order is:
1. me
2. my family and friends
3. my country
4. mankind
i dont have even a micron of concern for those who have decided to go to hell, whether it is via democracy or dictatorship or whatever. As long as they dont plan to take me along.

this does not mean i dont play a part in changing things... if there was a petition of the tandoor murder case or S.K.Dubey case or gujarat riots or blue-line killings in delhi i would have voted... i already have voted in such petitions, example the anti-reservatin issue... but jab apni country nahi handle ho rahi hai to doosre ke maamle mein load kyon lena... i would have voted for the pakistan one too, but i feel i am inadequately aware of the actual circumstances to form an opinion... do you ever realise that even the communist rule in china is sort of "group dictatorship"??? why dont we protest about that??? do we ever protest against the monarchy rule of the arab states that is also close to dictatorship???

if you cant have a opinion that is well-thought, dont have one at all... dont open your mouth and convince the people that you are indeed dumb... if by chance US decides to attack US based on some stupid reason, its only India that can intervene and save Pakistan, not the back-stabbing chinese.

(written on 7-nov-2007 on the day of the mail interactions)

god and man

god and man
-----------

all the gods of all religions, created the universe, the solar sytem, the earth, the life in it and mankind. surprisingly, only man had the intelligence to figure out the existence of god and each man is trying to prove his belief of god and god's rules i.e. religion is superior. i find this a little funny because if you ask all of them what god is and what is the relevance and meaning of religion, they say all the same things.

so what does each man think about god? to broadly put it, the views are:
I1. god will help you out even no one else in the world would
I2. god will be with you even in the worst of odds or when you are totally alone
I3. pray to god whenever you really need something
I4. confess to god if you have realise you have committed a mistake

interestingly, there are also some adages that apply: (connect with the help of numbering)
I1. god only helps those who help themselves; jiska koi nahi hota uska khuda hota hai
I2. jodi tor daak shuney keo naa ashe, tobey ekla cholo rey (tagore saying in bengali that if no one hears your cry, march ahead alone)
I3. jo sachche dil se maanga jaata hai woh zaroor milta hai
I4. subah ka bhatka agar shaam ko ghar aa jaye to usey bhatka nahi kahte

the tenets about god and the wise sayings are dont seem to go together in the first glance. that made me think about why are we told about two opposing viewpoints all our life. i did some research on theology and applied my own thought to it.

the conclusion i came to was that god is a necessary concept for mankind. we need to accept that man is a social animal and emotions (both base emotions and secondary emotions : refer linked note-yet to be written) are the primary influence in any man's life. so at an individual level, god is required for:
1. reminding man that a specie can survive only if each member wills to survive
2. moral and emotional support in times of loneliness
3. focus his energies and concentrate on priorities for propagating his species
4. controlling contradicting emotions in man to sustain his survival

but there is more to it when we look man as part of a community. most emotions and instincts arise due to existence of other members of the same species around. these are regulated by the use of religion and associated rituals.
1. common religious festivals provide a sense of bonding within the community. this is required because like any other animal, man prefers the feelings of being safe and wanted.
2. man has abstract intelligence that is far higher than any other species. this is the reason why secondary emotions drive most conscious decisions life. to help in this scenario, religion provides universal comparisons and benchmarks for paap, punya, good, bad etc. to aid in decision making and keep the secondary emotions in control.

i remember one shloka of our scriptures that means : do not believe the words of even a reknowned sage even if your mind does let it, but believe the words of an innocent kid if you mind deems it fit.

whether to believe in god is a matter of personal faith. the spirit of what i said above has been repeated in better words in the hymn of creation (Rig Veda Volume 10 Verse 129)


The Original Sanskrit Hymn (with the translation given below each couplet)

nµsad àsãn n¢ sád àsãt tadµnãü nµsãd rájo n¢ vy•mà par¢ yát |
k¡m µvarãvaþ k£ha kásya ÷ármann ámbhaþ k¡m àsãd gáhanaü gabhãrám ||

At first was neither Being nor Nonbeing.
There was not air nor yet sky beyond.
What was wrapping? Where? In whose protection?
Was Water there, unfathomable deep?


ná mçty£r àsãd amÆtaü ná tárhi ná rµtryà áhna àsãt praketáþ |
µnãd avàtáü svadháyà tád ‚kaü tásmàd dhànyán ná paráþ k¡ü canµsa ||

There was no death then, nor yet deathlessness;
of night or day there was not any sign.
The One breathed without breath by its own impulse.
Other than that was nothing at all.


táma àsãt támasà gå×hám ágre 'praketáü saliláü sárvam à idám |
tuchy‚nàbhv ápihitaü yád µsãt tápasas tán mahinµjàyata¡kam ||

Darkness was there, all wrapped around by darkness,
and all was Water indiscriminate, Then
that which was hidden by Void, that One, emerging,
stirring, through power of Ardor, came to be.


kµmas tád ágre sám avartatµdhi mánaso r‚taþ prathamáü yád µsãt |
sat¢ bándhum ásati n¡r avindan hçd¡ prat·ùyà kaváyo manãùµ ||

In the beginning desire arose,
which was primal germ cell of mind.
The Seers, searching in their hearts with wisdom,
discovered the connection of Being in Nonbeing.


tira÷c·no v¡tato ra÷m¡r eùàm adháþ svid às·3d upári svid àsã3t |
retodhµ àsan mahimµna àsan svadhµ avástàt práyatiþ parástàt ||

A crosswise line cut Being from Nonbeing.
What was described above it, what below?
Bearers of seed there were and mighty forces,
thrust from below and forward move above.


k¢ addhµ veda ká ihá prá vocat k£ta µjàtà k£ta iyáü v¡sçùñiþ |
arvµg devµ asyá visárjanenµthà k¢ veda yáta àbabh½va ||

Who really knows? Who can presume to tell it?
Whence was it born? Whence issued this creation?
Even the Gods came after its emergence.
Then who can tell from whence it came to be?


iyáü v¡sçùñir yáta àbabh½va yádi và dadh‚ yádi và ná |
y¢ asyµdhyakùaþ param‚ vy•man s¢ aïgá veda yádi và ná v‚da ||

That out of which creation has arisen,
whether it held it firm or it did not,
He who surveys it in the highest heaven,
He surely knows - or maybe He does not!


He also does not know probably because he does not exist. He is imagination of man at work, working all the time as the brain, heart and breath of man, within each man, to make him live like a 'Man'.

(wrote on 24-oct-2007 after a brief discussion with bhavna on god and belief a day before)

Social Economics

Whats the big hype about communism and capitalism? somewhere my gut feel tells me that its not the economic theory that i can find my answer. so i looked for facts and started thinking about them.

let me tell you what i thought about. think of a family where one brother earns 2 million. the other is a wastrel. both get 1 million according to the communistic system. the spoilt brother spends all money on drinks, gambling and girls. the good brother works harder, just to gather the money with which he could have bought some comfort for his wife. if he didnt share his hard earned money, he could have kept his wife so happy but he cannot. i could identify with the good brother. one day he quits and the family breaks. the spoilt brother can just beg and die an anonymous death.

this made me very uncomfortable. then i thought from a different angle. what if i was the guy who was on the receiving end of the goods. i pray to god everyday that give me my daily bread, my clothes and my shelter. i wont work at all, but if you have given birth to me fulfil my basic needs atleast. all people should be equal right? i pray everyday on my knees in front of a picture. one day i get the chance to see that the picture is not of the god but of the communist leader of my land. and i am looking like a beggar in front of him. i feel a disgust for my being. in my fit state of mind and with my two hands with me, i wont ever beg, be it god or the government.

even if i look at facts, i see that the average living standard of communist countries is lower than that of capitalistic ones. yes, the variation in the max and min of living standards is not much, say ranging from 48 to 52. coming to capitalist states, the average living standard is high, but with a higher variation, say ranging from 90 to 110. which one do i prefer?

i am surely against communism, but still not in favour of capitalism. money begets more money, that is a fact. and with money comes power to buy anything of value, anything you want giving you greater power. and responsibility doesnt come as a package with it. so there you are, some people with loads of money and power and lack of responsibility. there begins exploitation of the down-trodden. but yeah, at the same time i cant deny that some are very responsible too.

so what model should the society go with??? in simple economics, pick one of the two:
1. lower level of incomes but lesser standard deviation
2. higher level of incomes but higher standard deviation

it definitely has to be a mixed economy. but which component should be more, communism or capitalism? or in simple words, mixed economy prefers equality or efficiency?

what i dislike about communism from the idea i have is the fact that is it overly rosy... everyone works for everyone... so everyone is satisfied and reasonably happy... that is never so... it goes against our instincts... wont you feel the pinch if you see a dumbass person working beside you and earning more just because he has a year more of experience??? there will always exist a problem of "free-riders" in any communistic society... in fact, hard working people are rare and exploited gems in the communistic world where the focus is on receiving value not giving work. NEVER READ A COMMUNISTIC BOOK WITH A PERSPECTIVE EXISTING IN YOUR MIND. THINK ON YOUR OWN. Usually the books are written to play on the mind of the lazy risk averse individual in you who doesnt want to face competition. The language of the books also strive to touch an altruistic chord in you. you might think altruistically, everyone does... but how many of them do not act with selfishness when the time comes?

every individual has some needs and wants... lets look at only the needs, the needs of food, clothing and shelter... all these are material needs... there might be some comforts too, like good education or gifts or toothbrushes say... they are also material... and luxuries like AC cars are surely material... the point to note here is that all three are wants... one want called need is at the level of instincts... the want called comfort is at the level of emotions... the want called luxuries usually are at the level of the mind... we need to satisfy these "wants" in the right proportion

but before we do that we need to accept two things:
1. the basic human needs are material
2. there can be no society without a difference... we are all born with differtial abilities...

now to bring in that proper proportion of want satisfaction, we need money... unless you have money, you cant share it, let alone sharing equally... so the capitalists bring in money... the growth because of efficiency... and when the disparity grows huge... the equality of society kicks in and the money is redistributed... so what happens is cycles of capitalism and followed by communism and again capitalism... in the process look at the average standard of living... it rises continuously due to capitalism... communism just reduces the gap between the min and max of the living standard...

there is this natural equilibrium that comes about... it comes about because the society always shouts for equality but prefers efficiency... the mixed economy has to be more of capitalism, moderated with some amount of communism... selfishness moderated with altruism... efficiency with disparity in control... i call this "societal capitalism", which is again very different from socialism... it is this societal capitalism that we can see all the markets heading towards across the globe.


(Written on 10th October 2007, after a chat with my close friend shaurya. thanks bhavna for inspiring me to write this piece)

Defeat

Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.

Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance,
Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot
And not to be trapped by withering laurels.
And in you I have found aloneness
And the joy of being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield,
In your eyes I have read
That to be enthroned is to be enslaved,
and to be understood is to be levelled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one's fullness
and like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion,
You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences,
And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings,
And urging of seas,
And of mountains that burn in the night,
And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.

~ Khalil Gibran, The Madman, Chapter 22

Shock!!!

Shock!!!

Lush green, beautiful and serene

Is the island in the middle of the sea

It is a marvel of nature built by god

Just waiting to be enjoyed only by me

Lush green, beautiful and serene

Is the island in the middle of the sea

It belongs to me and no one knows

And its my duty to protect it you see

Oh, I just wished it too loudly,

Somebody above must’ve heard it now

But I want to be there so badly

Maybe my lottery ticket gets me there somehow

I was on the balcony of my hotel room

When I heard someone’s wish tonight

What good is my island if no one enjoys it?

I must help this guy come out of his plight!

I wake up next day to a fresh morning,

The lottery result was out too

I again screamed loud enough

“Hey island, I am coming to you”

What better present can I give to this guy

Than giving him what he wants most

As an additional prize on my birthday

I gift him a month to enjoy on the coast

The sand and the sea and the open sky

The flock of birds flying across the setting sun

Nothing to worry about and nothing to care

Throwing my beer can I say, “I AM THE ONE!!!”

The sand and the sea and the open sky

The flock of birds flying across the rising sun

This fellow throws garbage and spoils my land

What makes him think he is THE RIGHTFUL ONE???

Life on this island has been like royal

And no doubt it has been my best week

I speak aloud all and all I want is there

But cleaning up my mess is not what I seek

He just speaks aloud whatever he wishes

And gets what he wants, that I make sure

But what nature built in years, he spoilt in a week

If he doesn’t improve he’ll pay, that’s for sure

It was damn cold today man

Nature seems to be playing games

But I can fight with nature’s unfairness

I shall set some trees to flames

Today I was outraged by his insanity

A bonfire of my trees was made by him

The way he is slowly destroying my island

Slow death is what I declare for him

Oh, I don’t know what kept me asleep

I wake up for the first time watching sunset

No!!! Where are my toes???

A letter says, “That what the crows today ate…”

So, I had drugged his food yesterday

I feel like the protector of this island

A few less grams of his unwanted feet

would now would touch my land

Come out you swine, face me if you can

This is not the way, you deal you coward!!!

I still have my hands you bugger

I’ll show you what I am till you come forward….

Hey, this guy is yelling out now

Why scream your heart our loud, son?

Cant you imagine how the trees would’ve

shouted when you burnt them for fun?

Again I am feeling groggy while waking up

Oh damn, damn, damn… Jeez!!!

Two fingers from each of my hand are missing

Someone please save me, Please!!!

This guy is so foolish, just shouts

And then eats what I give him

Poor fellow, for his stupidity this time

I plan to serve him his own fingers fried

I try to run out of the house,

Shit… someone has locked all doors

I just see a menu card lying on the table

“Fingers Fried” is the only item it shows…

Time has come for me to cast my final blow

He cannot run now and he cannot leave

I have closed all the doors of the house

The plan for his death is for me to weave

I grab the glass on the table for water

I turn the knob and the glass is filled

Without looking I take a sip and … eeks!!!

Someone’s blood has been served to me chilled

I know the psychological effect of fear

For people call me a psychopath

But why don’t these people realise one thing

It is you who’ve chosen to face my wrath

I run to the loo to wash my face

“You drank your own blood sunny”

I glance at the mirror and see my face

“You can free yourself, aint it funny???”

I never wanted to kill this guy myself

Killing himself was what fate had inked

that’s what would help mankind

else nature would make man extinct

I felt someone was laughing at me,

As I was looking at the rope circling

the image of my face in the mirror,

I could only free myself by hanging

I couldn’t help laughing when I

imagine what his state would have been

He had just seen sipped his own blood

How he takes his own blood remains to be seen

How I hung myself and I how long I hung

I simply don’t know, and I don’t care

Was this the way I should’ve been made to realise

Do anything, but with nature, I shouldn’t dare…

This was probably not the right thing to do

But atleast for once I felt almighty

Animals like man spoil their own land

I hope from now on, man really does his duty

I wrote this poem for a few reasons:

1. Poems on this topic are rare.
2. All poem styles are same, a single flow… I felt it needed some new approach. Hence this simultaneous parallel style.
3. Even crimes can be made to sound beautiful. People usually don’t try it because of the inherent bias in thinking.

I am not in favour of any such harsh behaviour as in this poem. So don’t hang me for that!!! :-)

~Som (written in the first week of december 2004, but reactions to this were so harsh that it made me discontinue expressing my imaginations in poetry)

I just need SLEEP

I just need SLEEP.....
----------------------

i sit at the shore, just looking the sea and the sun
i dont even know whether its the setting or the rising one
The sands of time have flowed through my fingers
all this while, i was just busy with the numbers
So many people, and no doubt all of them good
since its between me and the world, bet on the world i would
perhaps its not too late... i can get up and run
but my mind has something else as priority one
all that i just need now is SLEEP...
my name in a Short List, and a rem in EEP!!!
why did i write such an arbit poem, i dont know
if you ever figure that out... do let me know!!!

~Som (written sometime in the first half of november 2004)

Being Indian

Posted on the orkut community "Indian v/s Western philosophy" on 9 July 2006 by Nipun:

Acc to Pavan Kr Verma, Indians have some distinct characteristics that include:

1. Natural amorality
2. Materialistic pragmatism
3. Propensity for ends (without thought of means)
4. Excessive love for perks of power
5. Dislike for disorder
6. Compromise and self-preservation
7. Ability to retain hope
8. Resilience that comes from being continually exposed to adversity
9. Intrinsically non-violent nature
10. Indifference to sufferings of weak and poor
11. Extraordinary sensitivity to calculus of power
12. Exceptionally hierarchical in outlook
13. Not democratic by instinct or temperament

Comments... anyone?


My response to it on 18 September 2006:

First of all, please let us not equate hinduism and indianness... It might be true, but sometimes it is distracting... The analysis by Mr. Pavan Kumar Verma is excellent. but though he has been correct in his analysis, though there are gaps. At first glance it portrays an each indian as greedy and selfish. True. But it also gives the impression that an indian is very "rational" and unemotional. False. Let me explain.

In the ancient times, the caste system was absent... even in its most primitive form, it was based on occupation... that was rational as it brought structure and efficiency in society... later on it degenerated... caste system became hereditary... the spirit of spiritual and theological argumentation was replaced by later holy books... the rationality was lost in the process...

Next, the family is the basic unit of society in any caste... the family then started being bound more by emotions and external society rules... the family members who questioned society were controlled greatly by the rest of the family, and the tool used was emotions... things started turning dogmatic...

so slowly, the tendency has become more of justification than rational decision making. the "rational unemotional selfish greedy indian" has become an "irrational emotional selfish greedy indian"... this had even been noted by our famous leaders like annie besant... americans and europeans can work and cooperate fully with the people they hate the most if it serves their purpose... but indians must like the people they work with... so much for pragmatism.....

so if you look at the indian society as a whole, it is far from what indian philosophy wanted it to be like... all of us are extremely immoral, but try to show that we are extremely moral... this duplicity has become a part of our character... i might admire a movie heroine for marrying a muslim hero in a movie, but i would probably be dead against my sister doing so...

all i can say is, i wish my analysis is totally false...

May I think?

May I think?
-------------

I had heard that man is a social animal. True. I had also heard that he thinks and therefore he is. True again. Somehow since I don’t know when, I could not understand how both of them could be true together. If man is to work for society like an animal without questioning, he is no longer thinking. If he thinks that there are better ways for doing stuff than what is currently done in society, he is deemed a rebel and anti-social and many a time called evil.

I was forced to think as to what makes us different from all other animals on this planet, and what exactly makes us human. Is it our instincts? No, we have all the instincts of animals. Is it our emotions? Perhaps I missed one or two but again, animals have all the emotions we display. What is the one thing that we have and animals don’t? It is our capacity to think, the fact that we have brains and intelligence. This is what makes us human. We can make abstractions, logical deductions and inferences. We can decide! But animals also decide. So how are our decisions different from those of animals? It is simply because we can decide with our brains and logic, whereas animals just use their instincts and emotions. But things become a little complicated here. We humans also can decide using our emotions and instincts. So how do we maintain the difference and be humans? Does our complicated society structure help us in our decisions?

I remember the umpteen incidents when I was so happy pleasing everyone and doing things for others. I always shared my chocolate as a kid. I cherished those moments of appreciation and praise. In fact, I wanted everyone to share his/her gifts. I did that because I respected the words of my elders. But there were also times when I was caught between conflicting demands of “other people”. I ended up hurting them anyway or the other. At that time I could think for myself. I could see that what I am saying or doing is correct and what others tell me is wrong. Much of what they told me didn’t make any sense. When any of my friends cheated with me while playing, I used to beat them up. After all, why cheat, and that too with your friend? My maternal grandfather, who is my real-life idol, taught me self-control and simultaneously he taught me to think practically. We are still told that higher marks mean more knowledge and sharpness. I remember avoiding the first rank in all school and college exams on purpose, and still winning academic scholarships that mattered. My parents were sad, but will they not be sadder if I am just a mugging parrot and not an intellectual that I can be? For instance, if I see a girl and I instantly know this is the girl I was waiting for my whole life, why should others tell me I am probably mistaken? They are neither me, nor do they know what I want and nor they are going to live my life.

Consider an example: suppose my parents, wife and children are sick. I don’t have enough money for their treatment. So should I steal? Should I let my parents die? Should I let my wife die? Should I let my children die? Should I beg? Should I just pray and do nothing? Society will never help me decide, will it? It is such moments of time that choose a human from the non-human. In my opinion, the ones who begged or prayed were not human. Humans try. They use their brain and their will and try. What good are the morals taught to us our entire lives then? What good are the society’s ethics if they cannot help me save lives I value?

Some of you may find the above example an extreme case with leading questions. Maybe you are right. But can you be fully sure that the above example is impossible? What will our society do if such a thing happens? Prevent it, or provide help in such cases? In the past few minutes there may be an impression in your mind that I am against society. Then my friend, you were hardly reading with your mind open. Don’t you agree that in your youth days there were times when you thought that this is the way things should be, but you were disappointed? I am just trying to be a youth inside you. Don’t you think there are things that are better in other countries or homes? You have an idea of an ideal society in your mind. Chances are that you have articulated your idea inadequately. Each one of us will have a different idea of an ideal society. We would probably never be able to reach a conclusion on what an ideal society should be. I have loved the colours of our diverse culture and I want it to remain. But even in that diversity, we have always preserved our sense of similarity and our identity. Go to any part of India and you will ever feel you are not in India when you talk to people. That is the India I love, the India of freedom, argument and acceptance.

You must have seen that I have been questioning many things that happen around us. I am happy that I am allowed to question. I follow some of our cultural traditions, like touching the feet of some elders because I was told why it is done. It is because you trust and respect the other person so much that you offer your neck to the other person and he will not kill you. But I don’t listen to things like not going for a haircut on a Saturday. “Something bad will happen” is a ridiculous and laughable reason. I don’t believe Sri Krishna was a god. For me he was a wise human of ancient times, and I try to live by what he said in the Gita, not because I am god-fearing, but because it was sensible. He told us to fight and even kill our family members if they are wrong. If I think my family is wrong, I am not in favour of such extreme steps, but I can at least question and discuss. In this age of modernity and reason, only the things that are rational will survive. This is the same rational society that Swami Vivekananda had envisioned.

~ Som

(Published in Durga Puja Souvenir of Sarita Vihar, 2006)

The Girl in my life!!!

The Girl in my life!!!
----------------------

Strange is the way she smiles,
with such grace in her eyes!
Casts just a glance on your face,
And the pulse begins to race!

How to describe her elegant gait?
To imbibe its beauty, even time can wait!
The steps she takes, the way she moves,
Like a leaf dancing to the breezy grooves!

When she talks, a song she sings,
Far in the distance, that special bell rings!
Nightingale, they say, has the sweetest voice,
Compare them, She'd be my only choice!

Look at her face, the expression it bears,
A sky, which many rainbows pierce!
It's a nature's gift, a beautiful scenery,
Better than pastures lush with greenery!

Her magical tresses, they fly and fly,
Long, dark, straight, My oh My!
When she smiles, it's break of dawn,
Look at her, and your worries are gone!

You mind must be asking "who is she?",
Who fills one's heart with joy and glee,
Perhaps she is an angel, or maybe a dream,
But still you want her, how difficult it may seem...

If you ask me now, "hey, is she real?",
"Can i ever get her?", and i will say "Real???"
"Just open your heart, and let your mind be free",
"I found my sweetu, miracles happen you see"

I found her in *Sreeparna*, let it be known,
Seeds of love, are always waiting to be sown,
If ever you ask, where art thou oh lovely one?
Just look around, and to her your heart'll run!!!

~ Som

(Written in late October 2004)

The Sculpture I Create

The Sculpture I Create
----------------------

I think that I am someone old,
And I do have a name
I am proud of my sculpture
That brings me fame

Each passing day I modify
My sculpture again and again
You might think I am crazy
But I assure you I am sane

It seems like ages,
But what I want is perfection
Heavens above have faith in me,
I’ve to live up to expectation

I trust my tools
And have faith in my experience
Above all I have my skill
All these give me confidence

But today I have to do something new
There are sculptors just like me
Our aim is to better our sculptures
By copying from each other, what we see

After all, we all want our sculptures
To be beautiful and ornate
But what do we do, if the base is weak
It has to crumble says the judge, Mr. Fate

Can I trust my rationality?
Will I copy anything nice I see?
Or wait for others to copy my style
In which a strong base is a must be

More questions start popping up now,
As I steal a look sculptures around,
I gloat of trusting myself and all I have
But still I quickly copy something new I found

I know I have the responsibility
To make our sculptures the best
Should I show them by taking a lead
Or just follow the popular like all the rest

I am the people of this country
And I can only make my culture
I have always stood my ground,
Though there have been many a vulture

I trust our tradition, that’s my experience
I have tools of various forms,
To all the other people they are
better known as my social norms

But as we move towards a global village
I can’t seal myself and pride in my work
I have to be geared to meet the future,
The opportunity, I know, is enough perk

I have succeeded in shielding my work in the past
As always time has changed, I can see…
But why do I question my skill now
Perhaps, it’s a sense of self hypocrisy

I have prided in my “secular” credentials
In fact, it is there in my constitution
But when my hindu sister loves a christian guy
I just call that unwanted rebellion

Still I say caste system is now over,
Well, as long as saying works, its okay
I don’t even give or take dowry any more
Though some “small giftings” are here to stay

When I’m a rustic and I vote for my clan fellow
I am ridiculed by them for my stagnation
Though they, whom education has made elite
Vote the same, but just provide elegant justification

It has become busy these days
At my work for days on end,
If I stand back and think for a while,
Acceptance is the essential to make things bend

Things seem crazy right now but
Solutions would come to us I know,
The best sculpture is waiting to be made
It is just that some thoughts need to flow

And maybe I am just old because
I have stopped thinking my usual way
All other sculptors would copy my art,
I hope I’ll pass the test of time that day

~ Som

(Written sometime in November-December 2004, IIMA)