Stages of Life

We find it easy to imagine stages of life as the following: Childhood, teenage, youth, middle-age and old-age. Of course, this chronological division is easy to do. A more fruitful activity oriented staging of life is provided by Hinduism as the four ashramas: Bhrahmacharya, Grihastha, Vaanprastha, Sanyaasa; effectively translating into virgin studenthood, family life, reclusion and seclusion. Each phase has been given 25 years assuming a 100 year lifetime.

This is where the ambiguity arises. Neither do we have a fixed lifetime nor do we have fixed times/ratio of times to give to each phase. The transition is gradual yet distinct. Usually we end up not living the last phase of the "sanyaasa" time. But how does that matter?

It matters because somewhere we are trying to classify our life's decisions based on some criteria. These decisions have to be based on some priority order. What is this priority order to take life's most crucial decisions?

The four life phases are better understood if we try to understand what is most important for us in each life phase. In the first phase our parents are most important for us. In the next one it is our life-partner. Following that the most important for us is our children. In the last phase, it is the ambiguous bigger thing that is most important.

In short, the following turns out to be the priority order in our life in the contemporary time, allowing for some redefinition of life phases:
1. Brahmacharya aashram: Student life
2. Grihastha aashram: Initial job life, marriage, till the arrival of the first offspring
3. Vaanprastha aashram: Continues till the end of education/student life of the youngest offspring
4. Sanyaasa aashram: Period till the end of one's life during which one concentrates and acts on the bigger value of his life's efforts

To make the utility of the above distinction clearer, lets briefly look at the boundary decisions of each:
1. Brahmacharya: Learning to choose based on benefit to self and benefit to significant others (eg: friends, parents, elders). First priority is parents/elders/teachers. Focus is on education.
2. Grihastha: Choosing based on benefit to self. First priority is life-partner. This transition of first priority should have acceptance of the earlier priority holders i.e. parents. If parents dont agree, eliminate the transition option. The transition point is discrete and unambiguous. After marriage, other life decisions during this phase are taken in mutual understanding with life-partner.
3. Vaanprastha: Choosing based on benefit to self and significant others. First priority is children. This transition happening during the arrival of an offspring should have acceptance of the life-partner. Again the transition point is discrete and unambigious. If life-partner interferes in proper education of the children, eliminate the life-partner as an option. But this should only be the last method as the children need both parents for proper development.
4. Sanyaasa: Choosing based on benefit to others. First priority is the nation and humanity. This transition does not need acceptance of any other person. If the child(ren) act against the nation/humanity, eliminate that particular person. This decision is the result of the priority order that is no longer considering benefit to self.

Nowhere have I tried to understate the importance of emotions and relationships as that was not my intention. Please do not look at the narrow definition of the word "benefit". What I have written above is a generalisation and a set of guiding principles that have to be appropriately applied to the specific situation and context. Judgements aside, the decision still remains yours.

(Written on 17-Oct-2009)